Which Comic Characters Should You Trust to Get You Out of a Resident Evil Situation?
We’re not just talking zombies. We’re talking puzzles and unexpected obstacles. And zombies.
When most people think of Resident Evil, I imagine they envision some form of zombies first and foremost. 54 While they’re not always the monsters du jour, some form of unnatural, largely undead monster is typically in the mix, with the story often centering on some terrible virus that the Umbrella Corporation created being unleashed upon the world before some character has to survive or accomplish some goal in the face of it. While this series didn’t create the survival horror genre, it’s arguably the foremost example of it. The zombies play a massive part in that.
I’m currently playing the Resident Evil 2 remake, and the thing this playthrough reminded me of is how much of the game isn’t just you battling zombies. The majority is actually endlessly dodging them so you can solve yet another puzzle to move onto the next location and save yourself and your teammate within the game in the process. It’s not House of the Dead; it’s endless, occasionally collaborative problem solving with a variety of Umbrella-crafted monsters perpetually making your life more difficult (or non-existent, in the case of Tyrant) as you effectively traverse a haunted house. And that’s much more interesting!
I kept thinking about comic characters and how they would handle these scenarios as I played the game, because it’s certainly not one that rewards the act first, think later set. Well, if I’m being honest, I thought of myself first, and how I’d likely be terrible at making it through it, if only because I’m a) bad at inventory management 55 and b) constantly dying in the game, 56 a pairing that’s even less ideal in the real world than in games. But then my mind turned to the far more – or less, in some cases – capable people from the world of comics, 57 and how they might manage it all.
Now, it’s important to note that I’m not talking about a Marvel Zombies or DCeased-like scenario here. This is pure Resident Evil. So we’re talking about them being required to go through the whole process – meaning puzzles and all, so no just flying through walls with your teammates in your arms – while attempting to keep a group of people safe at the same time. Why a group, you may ask, instead of an individual like Resident Evil 2’s Sherry or Ada Wong? 58 Because these are often superpowered individuals and they deserve extra obstacles compared to the Leon Kennedys and Claire Redfields of the world.
I ended up deciding to play this entire thought experiment out in my head, putting a random list of characters together and tiering them into five distinct groups that range from an A grade Resident Evil experience to complete and utter failure, with examples within each before closing with the best of each class. It is, of course, a ridiculous exercise. But it was also a fun one. There might even be some surprises in here! But as per usual, I’m open to pushback on my tiering, even if I think my logic is irrefutable. 59 Here we go.
Tier 5: You’re Better Off Alone (or you might be already)
If you find yourself with one of these characters at the head of your group, you’re in for a tough time. Time to look for a new group, because odds are you’re in extreme danger or you’ve been ditched already.
Examples from this tier: The majority of the cast of The Walking Dead, 60 The Joker, M.O.D.O.K. 61 Cassidy (from Preacher), all the boys from Bad Machinery, Kang the Conqueror, 62 Kraven the Hunter, 63 Ozymandias, 64 Robin (Jason Todd), Typhoid Mary, Nuke, 65 Phoney Bone, Dark Phoenix 66
“Best” in Class: Scott Pilgrim
Scott Pilgrim is everything you wouldn’t want out of a leader, despite the fact that he likely has played the entire Resident Evil franchise and is effective at fighting, as long as each zombie was one of Ramona Flowers’ exes. In theory, he could be great here! But at his core, Scott is an extremely selfish and lazy dude. Odds are he would probably almost exclusively stick to safe rooms, especially if they have a TV or gaming options, and he wouldn’t be terribly invested in everyone’s potential long-term health. Beyond that, Scott Pilgrim – despite the aforementioned fighting skills – is a fairly ordinary guy. These are not ideal characteristics for any group’s fate.
That said, sticking to a safe room forever is one way to survive. It’s just against the rules of the thought experiment. I’ll give Scott 5% credit in that regard, even if it’s a bit of a cheat. That’s why he’s the best in class.
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Or maybe very tall vampire women.↩
I would need so many hip pouches that even Rob Liefeld’s head would spin.↩
To the point the game shamed me into dropping a difficulty level. I am not kidding. I wish I was.↩
And when I say comics I mean all comics. This isn’t just superheroes, and I even included groups of characters from titles to compare across casts.↩
Who, let’s be honest, is equally effective at saving you as you are of saving her.↩
Looking at you, Bruno Batista.↩
We have 193 issues of evidence that most of them are bad at negotiating these scenarios and/or are terrible people. Not great.↩
He’s arguably the character who is most likely to not just fail to assist his teammates but to straight up blast them himself instead.↩
He would pop in, look around for like…two seconds, recognize it’s zombie time, and then bounce to another era.↩
He would love this and would immediately start hunting everything instead of helping you survive. Sort of helpful! But also not helpful!↩
Ol’ Ozy wouldn’t help you. Instead, he would immediately endeavor to acquire Umbrella Corporation and its “fascinating” technology.↩
Unless you exclusively refer to you and your teammates as “Our Boys,” in which case you have approximately a 10% chance of survival.↩
Consuming the entire planet is A solution to the problem but certainly not an ideal one.↩
We know from DCeased that adult Damian Wayne would be excellent in zombie scenarios but I’m skeptical of his teamwork as a child.↩
Your rate of survival would completely mirror whatever strategic advantage your existence offers her, and you would definitely be used as bait if it isn’t significant.↩
He, in theory, would be amazing in this scenario. Need a key? Magnetism! Need a blockade? Magnetism! Need to take out a zombie? Magnetism! But not ditching you might be tough sledding for our guy, and he would certainly prioritize his own survival.↩
This isn’t a value statement. I love Wallace. He’d just be a little closer to Scott than you might want out of a leader.↩
Probably should be Tier 5 but I could see him keeping you alive if you bribe him with a particularly notable vintage of scotch.↩
She would immediately shapeshift to look like a zombie and just peace out. Unless you were Destiny. If Destiny is in your group Mystique becomes a Tier 2 or maybe even Tier 1.↩
This isn’t out of malice. This would just be out of incompetence. He would be so bad at puzzles and he’d constantly ask people to look to see if the coast is clear until they realize it is definitely not clear. I bet he’d make it, though!↩
All of the bad of Professor X minus the telepathy but plus some level of skills and abilities.↩
Theoretically very capable but as soon as he loses one teammate the brooding would happen and he would spiral.↩
He would definitely use teammates as bait but he’s too smart to not at least secure half of his team.↩
She’s incredibly capable but she also goes into trances at times and those are not exactly ideal for teammate management.↩
As X of Swords proved, it would be 0% if his teammates were mutants who could be resurrected. But I just sort of feel he’d be great at this, even if I wouldn’t advise trusting him.↩
I’m sorry but it’s true. He’d be amazing at the puzzles but there’s a reason he went down pretty quick in DCeased. Beyond that, he would come across NEST or some secret laboratory and be like, “We must stay here and save the world!” Helpful for the world. Not helpful for you!↩
The illusions would be a nice skill here and he’d be an ace at puzzles, so he’d likely do well on pure ability. That said, he’d probably randomly decide teammates getting attacked by zombies would be entertaining, and that would be a problem.↩
I say that with love. But they should have stayed in Liz’s apartment.↩
We know he’s a great leader in this exact scenario but we also know he gets distracted easily in this exact scenario. Plus, his story would never end, which seems like a problem.↩
Theoretically this should be easy street for him but he would probably say something like “This is meant to be” as you get attacked by a horde of zombies in front of his eyes. Not helpful!↩
She’s Ada Wong levels of capable with increased levels of personal ethics.↩
Great with monsters. Great with puzzles. So so on team management. Nearly a Tier 1, though.↩
Spider-Sense would help, he’s smart, he’s selfless, but he’d probably lose some of his teammates strictly because he’d be wrapping up a punchline instead of managing the health of his squad.↩
As shown in DCeased, they would definitely survive and try to save as many people as they can. The problem is they’d likely just turn whatever location they start at into their headquarters, defeating the purpose of the exercise altogether. That’s a partial win, though.↩
He would try so, so hard to save everyone but he’s only so capable.↩
I feel like illusion powers would be extremely valuable here.↩
The best mix of selfless, smart and capable, this Bane would be far better than other iterations, especially if Scandal Savage is part of your team.↩
The boys in Bad Machinery are effectively useless. All three of the main girls – and little Claire! – are badass dynamos who routinely save their crew. They’re just who you need to survive this scenario. The only problem is they’re still teenagers, so if you get surrounded you’ll be light on the raw zombie fighting power.↩
Yes, he can predict all scenarios before going through them. That is very useful. But we also know if he sees that the best scenario requires you wandering into a horde of zombies, he’ll take it. Tough stuff.↩
I just really trust Kim Pine!↩
Survival of the fittest has plusses and minuses.↩
Already established as a badass, but also already established to not come with a 100% save rate.↩
Another controversial placement, but again, hear me out. Superman would theoretically be amazing, but his selflessness would be an issue for your group. He would constantly be trying to save others in the area, so he’d be like, “be right back, gotta save Utah” and then you get overwhelmed. It’s a double-edged sword.↩
Staggering toughness and brains with the power of endless belief behind her. Plus, she is great at managing communities…but she’s also totally a pragmatist who would take a few L’s to ensure the W.↩
A tremendous leader, an amazing thief (so A+ puzzle manager), and weather control would be lowkey great against zombies.↩
She got got in DCeased but that was in the process of basically saving the Earth so I’m going to say she could find some jewels and save a small group of people.↩
He wins the Bat Family belt because he’s the best blend of caring, capable and clever.↩
We know swords are ultra-useful here, we know he’s amazing with them, and he’s all about honor. You’re going to make it. Plus, I feel like you’d be so astonished that an anthropomorphic rabbit is trying to save you that you’d do whatever he says.↩
Telepathy = useless here. Telekinesis = OP. She’d do some work.↩
By far the best villain in this situation, he’s the right mix of smart and powerful, plus he’s wearing armor and has proven that he has some hero in him at times. This is a lock if you just convince everyone on your squad to constantly say things like, “I bet Reed Richards would keep us alive!”↩
Being unstoppable and having a regimented strategy brain seems advantageous here. Also of note: I’m pretty sure every iteration of Captain Marvel, regardless of publisher, would be Tier 1.↩
This might seem random, but Rose is loyal as hell and canonically has skin that cannot be bitten through, as many Rat Creatures learned. That’s huge when you’re up against zombies.↩
Great team leader and indestructible skin. Plus, not so overpowered that he’d ditch you – to help others! – like Superman.↩
Or maybe very tall vampire women.↩
I would need so many hip pouches that even Rob Liefeld’s head would spin.↩
To the point the game shamed me into dropping a difficulty level. I am not kidding. I wish I was.↩
And when I say comics I mean all comics. This isn’t just superheroes, and I even included groups of characters from titles to compare across casts.↩
Who, let’s be honest, is equally effective at saving you as you are of saving her.↩
Looking at you, Bruno Batista.↩
We have 193 issues of evidence that most of them are bad at negotiating these scenarios and/or are terrible people. Not great.↩
He’s arguably the character who is most likely to not just fail to assist his teammates but to straight up blast them himself instead.↩
He would pop in, look around for like…two seconds, recognize it’s zombie time, and then bounce to another era.↩
He would love this and would immediately start hunting everything instead of helping you survive. Sort of helpful! But also not helpful!↩
Ol’ Ozy wouldn’t help you. Instead, he would immediately endeavor to acquire Umbrella Corporation and its “fascinating” technology.↩
Unless you exclusively refer to you and your teammates as “Our Boys,” in which case you have approximately a 10% chance of survival.↩
Consuming the entire planet is A solution to the problem but certainly not an ideal one.↩