Which Comic Characters Could You Trust to Get You What You Need in the Death Stranding?
Norman Reedus is busy, and someone needs to deliver this pre-stranding movie footage.
It all started with a joke.
I was playing Hideo Kojima’s excellent 2019 video game Death Stranding recently, and as the lead character — Norman Reedus’ Sam Porter Bridges — lugged around hundreds of kilograms of packages, ladders, climbing anchors, weaponry, and assorted other materials, I couldn’t help but think of a famous image from superhero comic history, one I’ve long had a lot of love for. You might know the one I’m talking about, even before I share it.
Greg Capullo’s Cable carrying all the weaponry in the world walked so Sam could…well, also walk in Death Stranding. They’re brothers in carrying way too much at one time, a pair of fellas who wouldn’t dare make two or three trips when a single would do. It was a perfect mix in my mind. More than that, making that connection made me laugh, and naturally — because it’s 2024 and we must share everything that enters our brains — I had to introduce that Cable/Death Stranding pairing on BlueSky as a post. For most people, that’s where the line of thought would stop. Joke done. It’s time to move on to other things. But as per usual for me, this was only the beginning. In that moment, two loves of mine began to merge.
My current obsession with Death Stranding — a four-year old video game I’ve been playing for the first time of late, one that’s about a porter in an apocalyptic future who delivers supplies to disconnected communities while helping rebuild communications between the disparate towns and cities across the now United Cities of America — met with my love of comics in the moment I united it with that image of Cable on social media. It began to replicate, forging more and more connections from there, eventually leading to me positing a theoretical I could not escape.
“I wonder which comic characters would be the best porters in the future of Death Stranding?”
Every question has an answer, and in this case, there’s plenty. That’s because a lot of comic character could be good at it. Many characters, particularly superheroes and supervillains, are extraordinarily strong and durable. That’s an excellent baseline for someone that’s asked to to deliver absurd amounts of gear over great distances while stumbling over and over on treacherous terrain. The problem is the job is a complicated one, even in its simplicity.
While speed of delivery matters, so does the condition of the package, a natural complication for some of the stronger, angrier characters. More than that, deep down, this game is about the power of communication and collaboration. It takes a special type of person to walk across ruined landscapes filled with dangerous BTs 33 and MULEs 34 to give a stranger whatever package they’re waiting on. It isn’t just about physicality; it’s about having the right mindset, a selflessness and community-oriented nature that overrides personal needs.
Now that I was down this rabbit hole, I did what I typically do: I played out the scenario in my mind and tried to figure out who would be the best and the worst comic characters at this job, laying the characters out across five classes that match the ones in the game. 35
But because I’m me, I also created restrictions. While someone like Manifold from the X-Men or Apollo from The Authority could just teleport or fly to ensure that packages are delivered safe and sound, that’s not fun. It’s also a betrayal of the point of the game. The journey and what it means for fostering connections are the point, so flight and teleportation are not allowed — the packages themselves can fly, just not the person, a crucial distinction particularly for some “S” Class porters — along with any other powers that remove the ground transport element of the exercise.
In fact, if those powers are used, it’s an immediately failed delivery. You can’t just fly off and save a person in need in the middle of a delivery either. That would result in lost cargo. Additionally, the game’s in-world communications system — the chiral network — is not fully connected in this hypothetical, so these individuals are just regular, anonymous porters to those involved, not someone they have any awareness of. That’s important!
With those restrictions in mind, I played this exercise out in full, positioning a variety of characters across those classes in the Death Stranding world, whether we’re talking superheroes or anyone else. While this all started as a joke, it’s an idea I took seriously, because that’s how I do. Let’s get to it, and hey, if you played Death Stranding and have a take on anyone I missed or you disagree with, let me know in the comments. I’m always down for other perspectives, especially when it comes to something like this!
The “D” Class: Sorry About Your Package!
Whether it’s because they destroyed what they were delivering to you, never delivered it altogether, or did something somehow far worse, this is the class of porters that earn a grade even the clumsiest of delivery bots in the game couldn’t achieve. In short: If this person offers to deliver something for you or shows up at your door with a package, don’t even open the door.
Examples from this class: The Joker; 36 Hulk; Doomsday; Darkseid 37 Mogo; 38 Zod; Quake; Starro; Jimmy Olsen; Mojo; Suzie and Jon from Sex Criminals; Omni-Man; Scott Pilgrim; Glob Herman; Howard the Duck; Lobo; Teeg Lawless; The Punisher; 39 Trigon; Mephisto; really any demon/devil-type character
“Best” in Class: Bizarro
Given that the vast majority of deliveries in the Death Stranding world are handed out by a terminal that is broadly aimed at the idea of porters rather than specific ones, almost all of them would use language like “this item is fragile” or “must be delivered in good condition” to guide prospective delivery people. For most, that makes sense. It’s a useful guide to a successful delivery.
Most people are not Bizarro, though, a person whose entire schtick is doing the opposite of anything and everything a person tells him to do. You want that package delivered in a timely manner and for it to arrive in pristine condition? Sorry, it took sixteen years and was annihilated in the process because you happened to hire Bizarro. For that reason, all standard orders 40 in this world would be completely wrecked or lost in the process.
Now, if you were wise to this and specifically hired Bizarro, giving him carefully structured directions knowing he’ll do the opposite of whatever you ask, he could be pretty great. “Bizarro, deliver this as slowly as possible and make sure it arrives in the worst condition possible.” Boom. That’s an “S” Class porter. Unfortunately, communication is extremely limited because of the broken systems of this world, and odds are, you’ll only find out what his deal is after he thrashed whatever treasures you sent or received through him. Alas! Should have hired a different porter!
The “C” Class: They Tried, But They Are Not Ideal Porters
These porters might get the job done, but there’s just something about what they do that makes them not ideal. They’re a useful emergency resource, but the downside is massive for one reason or another.
Examples from this class: Nuke; 41 Jason Todd; Namor; Juggernaut; 42 Impulse; 43 all four Paper Girls; 44 pretty much any character created by James Tynion IV; 45 Harley Quinn; Booster Gold; 46 Gambit; Deadpool; Cassandra Nova; 47 Drax
Best in Class: Stilt-Man
I mean this sincerely and without bias: Stilt-Man has the exact skills and abilities you want for a porter in this world. His long, stilty legs are ideal given the aforementioned restrictions on flying and teleportation, giving him a leg up on the competition when it comes to making quick deliveries. His suit also gives him heightened strength, ensuring he can carry sizable deliveries wherever he goes. And despite what many think, my guy Wilbur Day is smart, or at least smart enough to be a successful delivery guy. He’s an incredible option.
There’s only one substantial issue facing Stilt-Man’s ascent into the Porter Hall of Fame. If a BT showed up or a significant number of MULEs ever confronted him, Stilt-Man would drop his cargo in a second. It’d be gone instantly. And this would happen constantly. The entire landscape of that world would be his lost cargo. Other porters would trip constantly because of the abundance of forgotten packages from this one, terrible courier. I love Stilt-Man, but I would never trust him to make deliveries for me, and neither should you.
One additional downside is the fact that Day’s entire thing is stealing stuff. He even stole the Stilt-Man suit from the person who invented it! More than that, he loves acclaim, and wants to be considered a person of significance. Every time he made a successful delivery, he’d get one step closer to becoming a MULE — individuals that get addicted to the likes they receive for making deliveries and become cargo thieves as a result — and a nightmarish one at that. Stilt-Man could rise to rarefied air as a porter, but if the wrong things happen (and they would), he’d be a disaster.
Bet on the disaster.
subscribers only.
Learn more about what you get with a subscription
Goop monsters born from deceased humans.↩
Former porters who became so obsessed with the dopamine hit they get from getting likes — likes are of immense value in the game, acting almost like a currency, even if that’s not exactly correct — from deliveries that they become cargo thieves that steal packages from other couriers.↩
I actually don’t know if a “D” Class is real in the game, because I’ve never actually seen below a “C” on a bot delivery and the internet was not helpful in this regard. But for this exercise it is.↩
A contender for the worst pick, The Joker is not strong, incredibly unreliable, and would definitely try to kill you. Hard pass.↩
…is not a delivery man.↩
Mogo doesn’t socialize, nor can they deliver packages when they’re a literal planet.↩
Would become the first porter to cause a voidout on his very first delivery.↩
What they call regular, everyday deliveries for porters in the game. ↩
Tell him that these deliveries are to help rebuild America and he would be all about it. I’m not going to lie, though…I would be so scared of him, I don’t even know if I’d want him to see my hologram.↩
He’d make it, but I suspect condition would not be a focus for him.↩
Most speedsters would be elite at this. Bart would not be one of them.↩
The bikes are great and they are super resourceful, but this is not the best environment for teenagers.↩
I don’t trust any of them!↩
Would be good at the job except he’d get obsessed with likes and likely become a MULE.↩
Has the tools for greatness, but would definitely try and take over the world instead of anything happy or useful.↩
Theoretically perfect and has canonically elected to walk great distances at times. But as per usual, if he hears misfortunes at a distance, he’d go and fight BTs or save people from MULEs immediately, almost assuredly failing the delivery in the process.↩
His powers suggest he’d be great at this, but he’d be so annoying you’d want almost any other delivery person.↩
His life is dedicated to eradicating crime, not delivering packages. He’d be great at it, if motivated, and his varying vehicles would help a ton. He’d just be hard to get to take an order, and if he did, he’d focus on hunting terrorists instead.↩
Actually fairly good at this job in Old Man Logan, even though he was blind!↩
Who plays the Engineer in the game and is actually quite nice, but I had to call him out here.↩
What can I say, I just believe in the guy! He’s a problem solver!↩
He would be amazing, but because of his family, his deliveries would be more intermittent than his peers.↩
A master of the reverse trike.↩
This is an instinct play, but I feel like Tracy would be amazing at this job.↩
Only on deliveries that are metal, though.↩
That’s teleportation in Cable speak.↩
Léa Seydoux’s character from the game, someone who also teleports.↩
I’d take Max over the remainder of the speedsters field. He just cares.↩
Barda and Scott would own their own delivery service and call it something like, “The New Genesis Express.” An elite team for this environment. They even have plenty of Apokolips…errr…apocalypse experience.↩
Incredible delivery power set for a porter. The vast majority would be great, but I just feel like John Stewart and Kilowog would be incrementally better than the rest.↩
Obviously. He’d be like Nuke in this role except he wouldn’t have the massive downside of potentially murdering you or leveling your home.↩
Or something, I haven’t had it explained in the game yet, if it’s explained at all.↩
Goop monsters born from deceased humans.↩
Former porters who became so obsessed with the dopamine hit they get from getting likes — likes are of immense value in the game, acting almost like a currency, even if that’s not exactly correct — from deliveries that they become cargo thieves that steal packages from other couriers.↩
I actually don’t know if a “D” Class is real in the game, because I’ve never actually seen below a “C” on a bot delivery and the internet was not helpful in this regard. But for this exercise it is.↩
A contender for the worst pick, The Joker is not strong, incredibly unreliable, and would definitely try to kill you. Hard pass.↩
…is not a delivery man.↩
Mogo doesn’t socialize, nor can they deliver packages when they’re a literal planet.↩
Would become the first porter to cause a voidout on his very first delivery.↩
What they call regular, everyday deliveries for porters in the game. ↩
Tell him that these deliveries are to help rebuild America and he would be all about it. I’m not going to lie, though…I would be so scared of him, I don’t even know if I’d want him to see my hologram.↩
He’d make it, but I suspect condition would not be a focus for him.↩
Most speedsters would be elite at this. Bart would not be one of them.↩
The bikes are great and they are super resourceful, but this is not the best environment for teenagers.↩
I don’t trust any of them!↩
Would be good at the job except he’d get obsessed with likes and likely become a MULE.↩
Has the tools for greatness, but would definitely try and take over the world instead of anything happy or useful.↩